So, I recently found out that instead of my rent being £130 a week (meaning it would be about £520 a month), it’s actually £645 a month. This now leaves me with £243.78 to live on for the next eleven weeks, minus rent for two months and my mobile phone bill. I’m pissed the fuck off. I know that there are many people who would be delighted to have that money for eleven weeks, and I really wish the very best for those people. I just can’t help but be disgusted at the lack of concern for the well-being of students, and sickened by their money grabbing thirst. It’s hard enough as it is to be a student when you’re in debt to the sound of £9000 a year, without student accommodations trying to bleed us dry of the grants we’re given to live on. The financial expectations these people have of us is just horrendous.
Bae: “Come over.”
Me: “I can’t, I’m training my Pikachu.”
Bae: “My parents aren’t home.”
Broke down crying again. I’m just tired of feeling so numb and cold all the time. I’m tired of having to pretend I’m happy, when I’m not. I’m just so tired.
I was supposed to be happy now I’m in university and away from my shit head family. But I’m not in the slightest bit happy. This sucks. I’m in hell and there’s no escape.
I was actually having a really good day today, despite being very ill for most of it. I woke up sick; threw up a couple of times in the morning, and for the rest of the day it hurt to move, my muscles were agony. However, later in the afternoon I started to feel a lot better, especially after a very nice dinner of chicken and rice. But later in the evening things got pretty bad.
About half eleven I was trying to get to sleep, but was unable to because of my flatmates making so much noise. It’s now 03:40 and they still haven’t shut up. I’ve spent the whole time having to hear them talking unnecessarily loud, calling at the top of their voices, shouting, screaming, playing music, singing loudly, slamming does, slamming cupboards, and banging around.
At about one I got so irritated I threw several books at my door and eventually yelled “shut the fuck up!”, but they were so loud they couldn’t even hear me, their friend in the room next to mine had to tell them. Not long after they started laughing and getting louder. I broke down crying, and after being clean of cutting for nearly two months now, I cut my arm. I was just so upset and frustrated. And now I just want to dig myself into isolation. I feel like I just want to leave the world for a day or two.
I feel as though I’m in a very dark, and scary place right now. I feel extremely depressed, and also very sick from the lack of sleep and from crying so much. My head is pounding, even the dimmest source of light hurts my eyes, my throat is sore, and I feel like I’m going to be sick.
I’m just a needy piece of shit that needs constant reassurance that I’m wanted
started from the bottom and i was somehow able to get lower
overhearing people talking about something u like
hearing that they talkin shit